Happy New Year?
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays and Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all did what I did and woke up on January 1st with amnesia and completely forgot what a complete shit show last year was. Okay so maybe I haven’t completely forgotten it yet, but with every glass of wine it continues to slowly slip away…so I’m sure I’ll reach that point sometime soon. Anyone else with me? Are we all just drinking now to forget last year and celebrate the birth of a new one?
I know this blonde disappeared for quite a bit. I haven’t posted nearly as much as I planned or wanted to. In my letter to my friend Taylor I said I was going to focus more on writing blog posts, working on my books and publishing more content, but I have not done that. You blonde addicts have been so amazing and so supportive of my posts and you deserve an explanation after I just left you without forewarning, so please hear me out.
Over the last several months I kept telling myself, “I’ll get up early tomorrow and write,” or “I’ll get up early tomorrow and work on my next blog post.” My lack of posting will probably tell you that morning after morning, it did not happen. Then throughout those days I neglected to write I would ask myself why that may be the case, why that keeps happening. Why do I get up every day with the intention of making the best decisions for myself, but then when the time comes, I don’t? Shortly after those thoughts comes the surge of excuses and responses my mind likes to conjure up, like “I went to bed so late last night, there was no way I’d be able to get up early today and write,” or “I’m running so late as it is, I need to get my ass to the gym so I can have as much time as possible in the studio before work.” Even, “What the hell do I even write about?” Has flooded my mind so many times. The truth is, I have had no motivation and no idea what to write about. Quite frankly, the events from the past year left me in such a dark place I didn’t really have a desire to write anymore like I used to. That’s when I knew I was in a bad place and needed out.
I didn’t know how I was going to get out of the funk, but after voicing my lack of desire to do one of the things I love most to a very important person in my life, she told me that I need to sit down and write anyway. “Write about exactly that! Write about the pain you’re feeling, how you don’t know what to say, how you’re lacking that desire to write, write about all of that. Use it as a kind of therapy. Write through your thoughts and your spark will come back to you. You’ll find the ideas and desire, and maybe you’ll be able to help other people going through those same feelings.”
History will tell you that this woman is always right, so here goes nothing. This is me writing through all the bullshit.
Starting off the year in a body brace that left me looking and feeling like a transformer isn’t at all how I wanted to start off 2020, and at that point I couldn’t have even dreamed about the events that were about to unfold. Little did I know when one of my best friends, Reena, came to visit my crippled ass that that would be one of the last times I’d be able to go out on a coffee date without having to wear a freaking mask. Here we are starting 2021 still wearing our goddamn masks with no idea as to when that will end…I’m sure you can all agree we are not putting up with this much longer. I’m sure very few of you can actually comprehend the implications of the recent events that have been happening in politics, but all of us will suffer greatly for it. Ignorance and pure stupidity will be the downfall of our society, and you are only witnessing the beginning of it.
The only truly good thing thing that happened in 2019 was that I got to spend more time with my family, and I hope you all got the chance to do the same. Right after the accident, I stayed with my brother for a week and then finished the remainder of recovery at my parents. Near the end of the recovery began the covid shutdown, and thankfully my little brother came home from college during that shutdown time. There is nothing I love more than spending time with the people I love most in the world, and this virus gave me the chance to really connect with my family after being away at school for the last few years. I was completely set to move to New York this time last year, and had I moved I never would have had that time with them. My relationship with my boyfriend also grew a hell of a lot stronger than it was, and we are closer now than we ever were before. If I moved, there is no telling how that distance would have affected us. We are going on almost two years now 🙂 There are countless marriages, let alone couples that have split because of Coronavirus and the shutdown…so the fact that we survived (are surviving?) corona and have grown closer together is really quite amazing. I am so thankful for the time I got with my family and for the ways my relationships have all grown so much stronger.
I’m sure many of you know this already, but finding a job during corona absolutely SUCKS ASS. Unable to work during my injury and then jumping into covid, I was without a job for so long it’s insane. I sent out hundreds of applications (not exaggerating in the slightest), and I was either way over-qualified for basic work-from-home jobs or way under-qualified because the only positions open required at least seven to ten years of experience. New college grads needing to have seven to ten years of experience right out of the gate? Are you f*cking kidding me?
In addition to the ridiculous requirements on these job openings, there were countless jobs listed on LinkedIn that weren’t even real or were not even being looked at by recruiters because most companies had to lay off so many employees that there was no way in hell they would be able to take on new people. So here I am applying for jobs, spending hours adjusting my resume over and over again for jobs that I’m not even sure are available or not. Not to mention I didn’t qualify for unemployment compensation…so yeah I’m sure you can imagine the state my mind was in.
Finally starting a new job in November, almost a freaking year later, I’m starting to get back into a routine and establish some kind of almost normalcy. Wow. My boyfriend and I got jobs together, something most couples normally would not be able to do, but this has actually been such a blessing. It’s really helped us grown closer together and we’ve had so much fun working together, it just goes to show there is nothing we can’t do together. I am so happy now that money is no longer such a stressor the way it was, and I hope that other people have been able to find something a little more stable to hold onto.
I won’t get into too many of the gory details, but I wanted to give you guys an idea of what’s been going on since I last came on here and gave you my usual blonde self. Every time it felt like I was just about to grasp onto something great, it was just as easily taken away from me. I was set to go to New York and then my car accident happened, I just finished therapy and got the okay to take off my back brace and start training in a gym again and then the shutdown happened. The shutdown lifted and then when I was finally physically ready and able to work it was damn near impossible to find a job. Not to mention that trying to keep a young, building relationship afloat and trying to keep the romance alive has been so hard. To those trying to date and find fun date ideas to do during this shitty time, my heart goes out to you. My boyfriend and I are still trying to come up with good ideas, and the fact that so many places/events are closed and the ones that are open require masks and have strict limits on the number of people really kills any of the excitement there is to go on said dates anyway. It’s been really hard finding peace and trying to stay happy during such an awful year that must not be named, but the love and support from the amazing people around me really has been the difference and it’s what’s kept me alive.
I will not make this super long but I wanted to come on here and let you all know that I am still working on finding my way back to a more normal and happy state and if any of you are going through the same thing, I am here fighting with you and praying for you. You deserve to be happy! If you ever need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to reach out to your family, friends or even me. The only way we will get back to a “normal” life is if we stick together and help each other out, even if it means saying hello to a stranger and wishing them a happy new year. You’d be surprised how your actions could affect others. We are all dealing with our own hardships during this time, so it’s also important to remember to try and be nicer to those around you. Surely everyone is feeling stressed out right now in some way, shape or form and they do not need you taking out your stress on them.
Cheers to a Happy New Year, welcome 2021 and let’s work on building and spreading happiness and success in our own lives and in those around us. Thank you so much for reading, I’ll be back to talk to y’all very soon! I promise 🙂