Breaking Girl Code: Ask Me Anything

I asked the followers on my social media platforms what they would like to know or read about for this post, and the men wanted to know more about women…so I invited the males to shoot me any question in my inbox things they would like to know. Just a little bit of background on me: I grew up in a house full of men, so I have never truly followed “girl code” and do not intend to in this article. By that, I mean I will not be holding back any information because it would be going “against girl code” to reveal such thoughts/ideals about the female mind. That’s a ton of crap if you ask me. No filters or limitations, I promised to answer all questions as completely and honestly as possible. While there are many areas of confusion on the female mind, I did my best to take those questions and boil them down to a few main themes I noticed these hot young fellas are dying to know.

#1: What do girls look for in a guy?

Although I’m sure the initial intent of this question was referring to physical appearances, the real underlying question being “Do I really need to start going to the gym and get jacked to get a girl,” this is actually a very broad question. Every girl has a list of qualities and traits she looks for in a guy, starting from most important to least. When I think of these lists, I imagine them being similar to Santa’s naughty or nice list; long as hell (and completely imaginary, of course.) The truth is, from the time a girl starts watching Disney movies and shows as a little girl, she’s had an ideal image in her mind of what her “dream guy” looks like. Over the years, she starts racking up the different qualities she looks for in a man from watching movies, watching the way their parents are in their relationship to even their own experiences. What I can tell you though is that usually those first three things on her list have nothing to do with appearances. For me personally, it’s honesty, loyalty and a great sense of humor.

For most girls, I find that the main qualities they like in guys all stem from a great sense of humor. If you can make her laugh, you’ve won half the battle already. The secret to getting a girl is to create a strong image of you in her subconscious mind. If her memories of you are ones that involve a lot of smiling and laughing, just the thought of you will likely bring a smile to her face and that is KEY. Even if she may not be interested in dating at first, she will never forget that you make her feel happy in a way that most other people can’t. Trust me, THIS DOES NOT GO UNNOTICED. After a while when all of these “Mr. Right’s” break her heart, she will never forget the one who makes her smile. Girls LOVE to laugh and feel like they can be themselves around a guy. If you are a guy who is introverted, shy, insecure and not very comfortable with being silly every once in a while, she will never want to go out with you. Period. The secret is, do not worry about what she thinks, she just wants to see you happy and having fun with your life. If she sees you as a person who is confident and having fun with life, she will want to be a part of it. As I always say, a smile is your most attractive accessory, so wear it as often as possible. So rather than asking what girls look for, just know that that list is unrealistically long and forever expanding as she gets older. There is ultimately no point in trying to change who you are in attempt to meet someone else’s mold. Keep in mind: girls change their mind more than they change their underwear, so even SHE is not entirely sure of what she may be looking for. The key thing to remember is this: muscles and a great car are nice things to have, sure. But if she’s a girl who will base her dating priorities off of that, she isn’t wifey material. It doesn’t matter how “hot” she may be. Give it time, those looks will fade a lot faster than you think.

As far as physical appearances go, there is one key thing to keep in mind. What separates the really attractive guys from average Joe’s usually boils down to really good hygiene. I hate to break it to you, but the guys who seem to have a “glow” about them or a glittering presence when they walk in the room is not because they were born that way. It’s simply because the “Lady’s men” are the guys who are adamant about having strong hygiene habits. They brush their teeth twice a day, take good care of their skin (and yes many men exfoliate regularly,) apply deodorant on a regular basis, know how to properly dress themselves and carry themselves in a confident manner (standing up tall, shoulders back, etc.) There are so many things a guy who thinks he is “ugly” can do that will take his appearance from a 6 to an 8 simply by making sure he takes a few extra minutes out of his day to take pride in the way that he looks. If you need further assistance with this, don’t be afraid to reach out to a respected female in your life and ask her for some basic hygiene tips. Trust me, she will be more than happy to help you.

#2: How often should a guy text a girl?

Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer to this question. What sucks the most is that this is probably one of the most subtly thought about things in the beginning of any new flame. After about fifteen minutes of weighing the pros and cons in your head of deciding if you are even going to shoot her a text, the next question comes in: What the hell do I even say anyway? To be completely honest with you, regardless of what you say, chances are her first thought is going to be, “Oh my god he finally texted me,” or “About time!” Hate to break it to you folks, but typically guys are about three times slower than women in the aspect of communication. If you are worried about texting her or texting too much, chances are you are wrong. It does not matter who the girl is, girls naturally love attention. Any girl that says otherwise is a liar. Not that there is anything wrong with this, it just means that the man could never go wrong with sending a text message to show she is on his mind. Trust me, it is better for her to think you are obsessed with her than for her to believe you are uninterested or talking to other girls. This shows her that you are thinking about her despite all of the other things that may be going on in your life. People are very picky about who we spend our time with, and it lets the female know that that she is the one person you have on your mind in that moment. If she thinks you talk too much then fine. But as they always say, it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed. Text her. Or better yet, FaceTime her and tell her you just had to see her smile. I promise you, that one line has the ability to turn any bad day of hers from zero to 100.

#3: What happens when she’s ready to move to the next step and the guy isn’t?

There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship than when the man and woman are not on the same page in terms of what they want or are ready for. Not only does this create a lot of tension, but it’s like well…where do we go from here? If you are the person who is ready to commit or move forward to the next step, it feels as though the other person does not feel for you the same way you were hoping they did. If you are the person who is not ready, this puts you in a position of pressure regardless of the other person’s actions. There is this underlying “are you ready yet?” elephant whenever the couple is in the same room together, and it sucks. The best way to deal with a situation like this is for both parties to be completely open and honest with one another in terms of what exactly it is that they want and how they feel. Regardless of how big or small the disagreement is amongst the two people, this practice of open communication needs to be developed into a habit as early on in the relationship as possible. This will ensure an open environment for strong communication for when future issues arise (because they definitely will.) Just the subconscious thought of knowing each person has the ability to fully communicate their ideas in a space where they believe their feelings are valued allows for constructive, adult conversation to occur rather than bickering. (Imagine that.)

#4: When is the right time to give up on someone?

This is probably the biggest question many of us face, and not just in the sense of relationships. Naturally, humans are very lazy creatures and are very selective with what and whom we invest our time. On top of that, we like to be consistent. This is not my opinion, any psychologist will tell you the same thing. In society, it is not seen as morally correct to act in ways that are inconsistent with previous actions or behaviors, so subconsciously we will only do things that align with previous actions. Why does this matter? Once people find something they like or want to invest time in, we are also that time is carefully considered and invested, it is not so easy to walk away. It is not easy to all of a sudden drop a person when over time we have consistently worked to make that other person someone of high priority to us. She “ghosts” you? Forget about it, and do not look back. I say this as sincerely as I can: she saved you from dodging the biggest bullet of your life. Any person, girl or guy, who is like that has serious sociopathic tendencies and should be monitored by professionals. I do not say that in a joking manner. Any person who has the ability to easily drop another human being cold turkey after spending time to develop a meaningful connection with them without feeling any sense of remorse has serious mental health issues. This is not something you will want to deal with down the road, so trust me when I tell you to do whatever you have to do to forget about that person. What’s so frustrating is that usually these situations always leave the one person wondering “what did I do wrong?” or “What could I have done better?” The truth is, you were developing feelings for a psychopath. So take a shot of whiskey and move on with your life.

In the sense of non-ghosting situations, the time to walk away all boils down to one basic question: Does this person fuel your fire or piss on it? This may sound selfish, but the time to walk away is when that person does not bring any value to your life. If you find that one day the person you have invested time in is no longer helping you reach your goals, doesn’t work to support your dream or offers a positive influence or source of light in your life, it is time to say goodbye. Think of this the same way you would with clearing out your social media pages or contacts in your phone. All you need to ask yourself is that one basic question: Does this person fuel my fire? If that answer is not an immediate yes, then let them go. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO CUT THEM COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE. I am a strong advocate for never burning bridges with people. This world is small and they may play a large role in your life later on, that just may not be right now. Let the person know exactly how it is you feel and just be honest. There is nothing wrong with letting people go who do not help you down the path God has created for you. People are put in your life to either be a blessing or a lesson, it is up to you to actively decide who the blessings are, and what you need to be learning from those who are not.

If you made it this far, I applaud you for being determined to try and figure out what the hell is going on in the female mind. In summary, be yourself, and be happy with who that person is. Always text or call her and don’t think twice about it, let her be the one to tell you that you’re texting her way too much. Open communication is key, so if you’re not that good at it, then GET good at it. Last but not least, figure out who fuels your flame. Best of luck, boys.